Prisoner of Earth (aequo_animo) wrote in courtship,
Prisoner of Earth

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Looking for some insight

I'm hoping that maybe some kind person in here will be able to give me a little insight into a situation I'm in...

Let me start from the beginning. I first took notice of a girl about 4 months ago. I think she took notice of me as well, but I can't be completely sure. It took a while for me to get up the nerve to be able to talk to her. Eventually I did, and I got her number and we became friends. Even after this, I was still very nervous about initiating contact with her. She actually started inviting me to do things with her before I did.

I'm thinking that my initial inability to call her or talk to her probably made her think that I didnt like her. The truth is that I liked her so much that I was petrified. But anyway, I did start hanging out with her and I got to know her family well enough. Things got to the point at which I was about to actually talk to her dad about courting his daughter. I still, at this point, had not told the girl that I was actually interested in her.

About the time when I was trying my hardest to spend more time with her and her family, I started getting the feeling that she was no longer interested, and I started wondering whether she was actually ever interested at all. One night, as I was with her and her family, another guy came over, and I realized that he was also out to get this girl. She seemed more interested in him than in me at the time. Things began to seem hopeless for me and I became depressed for weeks after that.

I determined, however, to continue to pursue a friendship with the girl, which I have done. I ended up driving her to her house last week from a college group meeting, and we had a good conversation on the way. She told me about a few of her past relationships. The first thing she told me about was a friend of hers who liked her, but she didn't have the same feelings. She said she knew he was going to try to tell her, and she dreaded it - but when he finally did, she had to tell him that she didnt like him. He got upset and their friendship was destroyed by awkwardness. After she told me that, I was thinking that she was telling me this as some kind of indirect warning that I should not try anything. As I was thinking this, however, she continued talking. She then said she later developed feelings for another friend of hers, and she was sure he liked her as well. She said she waited and waited for him to come forward, but he never did. After she told me this, I was really confused - wondering where I fit in to what she was telling me.

She said for the past few months she felt like she was bouncing between crushes a lot, and that it was very uncharacteristic of her. Then she said "and then there's Justin" -- the current "other" guy in the picture. She goes on saying ".. he's just around". I was a little thrown off at this saying, so I asked her, "do you like him?" She said "yes, but..." then she quoted the verse where it says the heart is deceitful, etc. She said she wasn't sure if her heart was deceiving her about him.

Whoa. Ok. So, now after she's told me these things, I'm really confused. She obviously trusts me enough to tell me this kind of thing, which is good. However, I perceive that she's in a delicate situation and I'm not sure where I stand. I saw her again last night at the last college group meeting. She came this time with Justin - the "other" guy. She came up and talked to me when she first arrived, but I was a little uncomfortable talking to her, so I silently shrugged away when Justin came walking up.

I watched her the whole night. I started feeling depressed and a bit jealous over her as I watched her smiling at Justin and joking around with him. Then, just as I was about to start screaming on the inside, I became aware of how silly and childish these kinds of feelings were. Instantly they went away and I felt like my old self again - free of depression and jealousy - just like that. I still continued to observe her, however, but more objectively - feeling good that she was at least smiling and having a good time.

As I watched her, I would occasionally notice that she was peeking over at me once in a while. Of course she probably noticed that I was looking at her as well, but I didn't care - I would just smile at her. This happened quite a few times, and one time she was blocked from my view by some other people standing around, and I noticed her peek around them and tilt her head just enough to sort of "check" on me and then quickly turned back toward the other guy. It's all just one more thing I am scratching my head about. I watch other girls occasionally, and I never notice any other ones repeatedly "peek" at me the way she did. What's it.. dodging glances? What's this mean? It looks to me like she's staying aware of me - keeping track of where I am and who I'm talking to - almost as much as I am keeping track of her.

Is it possible that she does actually harbor some interest in me, but she has decided to hang onto this other guy because she isn't sure that I am interested in her? Right now I want to reveal my feelings to her so badly, but I want to be as cautious as possible. I don't want to ruin our friendship. I don't want to confuse her either.

The other day I talked to her on the phone for a while. At one point she sortof indirectly asked me if I was interested in anyone, and I told her I was looking for someone different and unique. She asked me if I knew of anyone like that, and I simply answered "maybe, maybe not". I wanted to say "YES YES! YOU!!!". But you all probably understand why I couldn't do that.

I sent her an email yesterday (she has not read it yet because I know her computer is broken). In it I quoted the scripture in proverbs where it says a virtuous wife is worth more than rubies. I told her that I think she is a great girl, different and unique. I went on to say that I hope that whoever God puts in her life is fully capable of appreciating what a treasure he'd have in her. I told her that she's worth more than many precious stones.

I didn't say anything about liking her - as you can probably tell, I said all of that as a subtle reference to what I told her over the phone a few days before. It's my hope that if she likes me enough, she'll remember my telling her that I was looking for someone "different". If she remembers it, she'll see the connection to it in those words. Otherwise she won't make the connection and will probably just think I was paying her some kind of friendly compliment.

I'm not sure how this is going to pan out, and I still have some decisions to make. I've never "courted" a girl before. It's been three years, and I've only "dated" two back before I was regenerated - they were only ungodly relationships that I regret. However, with the past now behind me looking forward, is it wise to find out if a girl is interested before going to her father and telling him that I like her? Is it wise to go to her father at all WHILE she is "seeing" some other guy?

I know there are a lot of details that I can't convey here, but from the general "gist" of what I've said here, can anyone offer any kind of opinion, intuition, or advice about what's going on and how to handle myself? Should I be trying to do things with her (even as a friend)? Should I just tell her? Should I just tell her father? Not knowing what to do makes me feel like I'm going crazy.

cross posted in courtship and singlechristian
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