lilspirit116 (lilspirit116) wrote in courtship,

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I started trying to follow the whole idea of courtship when i became christian. I made a promise that i wouldnt date until i planned to court to marry. Yet when i tell people that they look at me like i am from some foreign planet. It gets discouarging. I don't even date until i think i can handle a serious relationship. Thats somthing everyone keeps saying i cant do. People keep saying you have to date around to find what you want in a mate. I wholly disagree. Is that okay? i mean are there people my age that do this? Or am i just an odd ball? One of my moms friends after sho told them my views said. " You might want to bring her into the 21st century" Please be praying for me. It seems like i am in the odd here and like i cant seem to convince anyone what i am doing is right..except my mom that is. I mean even youth pastors say that you cant really just find that one person on the first try. Sorry i guess this is a vent
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i know exactly how you feel (except no one really knows my view on this --that i don't want to just "date" to date around, & find a mate). it's more like probably personal view/moral beliefs, and call me old-fashioned girl, good luck with that.. i seem not to care.

i don't know why i dont want to do that. there is something in me that just say no to that. it will take a lot of patience, though and lots of trust, faith & hope in God. but i feel like i'm willing, because i want my real heart's desire. i'm determined to have that. it sure is not bringing/showing me much yet, but i'm hoping/praying that God will see me through & give me the desires of my heart. :)

stay strong! God bless.
thank you . see this is what i mean. I dont think i am supposed to date around either. It kinda doesnt make sense. Thank you for showing me i am not alone in this
me either. i don't meet a lot of ANY christian guys (my age, at least). and if i do find/know a "nice" guy to possibly date if i wanted to, he's not christian or share the same beliefs as me. so basically, my chances of seeing one that i want to even possibly "date" is really hard/tough. sharing the same faith with God is really important to me. i have a friend that discourages me on that (she's not christian). she believes it's not all about having the same "religion" as she calls it, it's everything else is what matters, too. well, i know everything else matters too, as much as sharing the same faith with God! i totally believe in this verse:
"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?" -2 Corinthians 6:14 (KJV)
fully. the most important thing that we need to share with our mate is our Belief in God. If it isnt based on him, the relationship will sink. i found out about aurtship through a guy friend of mine. So it is possible, just kinda hard to find. I guess thats why its in God's timeing and not ours :)
yes, it is. He make all things beautiful, in His time. :)



July 23 2006, 20:38:13 UTC 10 years ago

(Personal True Story)


When I was about 14 years old, I started to think about someday I wanted to be married. I made a mental list of the qualities that were desirable to me for the girl that I was to be with for the rest of my life.
The first was… she had to be a Christian and living by God’s standards. Already serving the Lord in some capacity and established in the Word of God. Come from a good home with no divorces in the family. No smoking, drinking, or bad language. A good name in the community. I even asked the Lord for her to be younger than I, a little on the skinny side. Strong in the area’s that I was weak in.
I asked the Lord for me not to make a mistake in such a great decision. I said “Lord, show me in such a way that I cannot possibly make a mistake in finding Your choice for me”. I knew that any girl that tried could make me fall for her. It may be a game for her but I was serious.
I didn’t date often as a teenager but each time I thought about what it would be like to be married to each girl. I didn’t go out with any girls that I heard about from others boys as being conquered. I was disappointed many times by the actions of the girls I was with.
I asked, “Lord, How am I to know when the right one comes along? You are going to have to show me in uncertain terms that this is the one for me.”
I would ask some of the girls if we could pray together while on our date. Almost every time I would get a negative response, like, “you want to do what”?!! There wasn’t any doubt as to the fact she wasn’t the right one. Another thing I would ask is… If we could stay at home and read the Bible together instead of going out somewhere.
Even after I finished HS, I felt like I had never met the girl for me. I had decided not to marry… if I could not find God’s choice.

(The date was Oct. 8, 1961).
On this date I was visiting another church with our pastor and family. Present that day was a young girl that I had never met. As soon as I saw her I had the strongest feeling in my heart that the Lord was saying… “There is the girl you have been waiting all this time for. She is my choice for your wife.” I wanted to get a better look at her but she had her back to me. I said, “But Lord… I don’t know her and I don’t want to say anything to her. Are you sure Lord”??
Our pastor's wife said... “Jesse… This is Mrs. Jordan’s daughter… Joyce… She teaches the Intermediate SS class for the 13-15 year old girls. She is graduating from HS this year”. Later I found out she was only 16 years old.

We were married after she graduated from High School. That has been over 40 years ago and I am more convinced now than ever that she was God’s choice for me. I don’t know of any thing I would want to change about her after all these years. I just Praise the Lord for helping me make a most important decision.
Her father had a good reputation in the community and ever one spoke highly of him and his family.

What are the odds of things working out like that?? I believe the key is being sold out for the Lord. I had asked Jesus Christ as a young lad to forgive me of my sins. I knew that Christ had suffered on the cross to pay for the sins of the world and I wanted to be in Heaven with Him. I also believed that since Christ was the Creator of the world, and each of us, then I wanted Him to be Lord of my life. I promised to serve Him and follow His teachings (Bible) the best I could. I believed He could be trusted with my life and future. I pray that what ever I do or say will never be a disappointment to Him.
I found out that the Lord had answered my prayer for a wife with all the qualities that I ever wanted… 100%. He can do the same for you if you will put Him first in all you say and do. Remember never to lower your standard or compromise in your walk with the Lord. To be a Committed Christian is a person who lives his or her life as if Christ was watching you. (And He is). (By… Ethan Duncan)

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart: and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge Him and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

thats awsome.. i apprecitate you sharing your story with me.. Its always good to hear that you can find your soule mate, without going through what the world calls dating.
Blessings on you



July 23 2006, 20:41:35 UTC 10 years ago

(A True Story)

October 8, l96l- Ground Breaking Day for my Church (By Joyce D.)

We had been meeting in an old movie theater building for several years. We were now preparing to build. We met in the afternoon for this joyous occasion. In the crowd was the pastor of another church (who would be the contractor for our building), his family and a young man they knew and had insisted that he come with them for the day. I knew the family but wasn't too interested in the fellow with them.
I was sixteen and a senior in high school. I had dated a few Christian boys from the church. A date was going together to a church function, an occasional school function or even a couple of times to the small hometown fair. These were all good boys but none was real serious about their faith or walk with the Lord. I was very serious about it so wasn't very interested in meeting another boy. Well, before the afternoon was over, we had been introduced and had talked some. A spark of interest developed when I discovered that he was actually taking an active part and was involved in some church leadership roles. Hmmm—this was worth finding out more about. I gave him my address and over a few letters, I learned more details about him that was what I was looking for.

July 22, l962- Married in the same spot where we met

Have things always been easy? NO! Have we always agreed? NO! but we both meant it when we made our vows before God and family and friends. We meant to keep those vows and we knew God meant for us to keep them. Because I was seriously involved in working with impressionable youngsters in the church, I knew that if I failed to keep my marriage vows, it might cause one of them to think it was okay for them to do the same later. So that commitment to God and church caused me to work at my marriage when the worldly nature would have been to run.
We have discovered that you can have different opinions on many different issues (and we do!) as long as you have the same basic priorities that you l00% agree on.
One of our basic priorities was family. When my parents began to age and were sick and needed us, he never hesitated to go to them and help them in any way he could. When his parents were old and sick and needed us, I helped take care of them in every way I could.
Family commitment means we place our children at an extremely high priority. Were we great parents? NO! We probably made every mistake possible but not because we weren't trying. We were doing the best we knew how to do. All our children are grown and parents themselves now but we each would still go to their aid in any way needful and helpful without worrying about the other not wanting to.
Our other basic priority that we are in complete agreement on is our spiritual life and our involvement in our local church. We never have to question each other about things like.... will we be in church today?... or will we be involved in some church program or need?
If you have these basics in place, you can disagree about a lot of little things and still make it! If, in your youth, your priorities are rock solid things like God and family, they will still be important in your older years too and you will still be on a firm foundation.
(Joyce D.)
both of your stories are blessings. Thank you for sharing.. its awsome to know that it is possible. Blessings on you both



July 24 2006, 18:30:11 UTC 10 years ago

After posting our stories we wondered of anyone would see it after seeing the date of the other comments.

Yes, we truly have been blessed with three grown children and… another grandchild… number 7 due the last of Feb. 2007. So far there isn’t anyone in our intermittent family that is divorced, none smokes… neither do any of our children’s families use any kind of liquor. In fact, we have never tasted beer or ever had a desire to try it.

I noticed your comment… “People keep saying you have to date around to find what you want in a mate. I wholly disagree. Is that okay? i mean are there people my age that do this? Or am i just an odd ball?…. No… you are not an odd ball.

May I share about our niece? Our niece, age 17, finished her Senior year in May 2006. He had a GPA of 4.7 and received a full paid scholarship for college. Not sure what she plans to study but plans to go for 4 years. Her graduation class was about 400, a fair size public school. She told us she has some strange looking friends but they are the best she could find at school. Her church friends are much better in a number of ways. Her family is in many ways like ours.

She has told us before that she has never had a date or been kissed. Hard to believe these days. She is trusting God to show her who will be her life’s mate. She says it doesn’t bother her, even though she has thought about it often.

After school was out her church went to Mexico to do mission work with children and their families for two weeks. While on the trip she met a young man from another state that was in the same area with his church doing the same thing. They talked some and after a few days he told his youth pastor that he believed he has found his future bride. I understand they are writing each other and seeking God’s will. He is 17 and was a senior this year as well.

His youth pastor told her pastor that this young man, two years ago, had make a commitment to God that he wanted to wait to kiss his first girl on his wedding day. Never would I have ever thought of hearing that before.

They both have 4 years ahead so lot’s of time to seek God’s direction.

Thanks for letting me share…